Why the Death Star is so big

Being a geek often leaves you asking really trivial questions. Being an INTJ often leaves you pondering really odd connections. INTJ geeks? Some of the weirdest – and most inane – questions out there.

I woke this morning with the metaphorical light bulb over my head: I finally figured out why the Death Star is so big.

A couple years ago I remember reading an article that did the math related to the logistics around building the Death Star. Those geeks figured it would take over 800,000 years and zillion of today’s dollars to build it.

 

Comparing the death star to the Empire State Building

Even with an empire spanning the broadest reaches of the galaxy, that kind of investment in the military industrial complex would bankrupt the Empire in short order. So why would the Emperor and Vader go through that twice?

Like most things, it boils down to… crap.

According to the murkiest geek sources on the Intarwebs, there are twenty million alien species that are part of the Empire. Lets say that only 1% of those species have members in the Imperial military. That’s still 200,000 different species that require logistical support. Bathrooms.

Jabba the Hutt from Return of the Jedi

Jabba getting ready to slam a toilet shot.

Even if humans, Wookies, and Gungans could theoretically all use the same crapper, you still have to take into account non-humanoid aliens like Jabba the Hutt. There is zero chance Jabba could use a human toilet. Unless he was going to use it as a shot glass – which may not be too far of a stretch, now that I think about it.

“But, but, but! It’s the future – they have toilets that have built in magical disintegration technology!” scream the fan boys in anguish.

Probably not.

The trash compactor scene in the first Star Wars movie (not gonna call it Episode 4, no way) requires a garbage pit filled with organic slop, right?

Star Wars and wading through the fecal mess in the garbage chute scene.

“Something smells bad, Luke.”
“Gungan shit, princess. It’s vile.”

Having a trash compactor designed and built in to a massive undertaking like the Death Star usually means a need for a system to dispose of said organic slop, i.e. poop. (Note, an alternative explanation: it could be the influence of Jar Jar Binks‘ idiocy on Vader’s youth. “Meesa say, playing in garbage is fun, Ani!”)

So there you have it.

The Death Star: a 140-kilometer wide rest stop.

About the author

Technical-everything and co-founder here at Barbed Arrow. I've been involved in the gaming industry for a decade and a half in various roles. Grevnol would like to kick my ass half the time, most people would pay him to do that. I've been called "a pool of useless trivia" and I have a very good memory, except for important things like... names. I hate colorblind people. (That's a joke. Kind of.)


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